I consider myself to be a pretty successful and happy guy: beautiful wife and kids, satisfying and challenging career, great friends and family. From where I stand, I’ve got it all where it counts. I also enjoy one of the greatest hobbies known to Man: Vidya Gaymez! I’ve been gaming for almost 25 years now (damn, it hurt writing that), so I’ve played A LOT of video games. I also play nearly ever genre in the medium, so I’ve a ton of gaming experience under my belt. As a gamer, I like to think I’ve accomplished a lot. I’ve beaten many games, unlocked a bunch of Achievements and Platinum Trophies, and I’ve done some cool things that have blown the socks off onlookers. For example, I used to be able to beat the first two circuits in Super Punch Out!! completely blindfolded. You could get some serious street cred doing that in a room full of middle schoolers back in the day. Continue reading
Gaming has a lot of images, being that it’s a visual medium and all. But which images are the manliest? What images best evoke the grandeur and excellence that comes inherent with being a Man? I sat down to finally answer this age-old question that’s been plaguing mankind since the beginning of video games, and I’ve finally found the images that best exemplify all that is right and good with being Manly. The following is a definitive list of the Manliest Images in Gaming! Wimps need not apply. Continue reading
Lately, there has been some talk about women in gaming and how they’re being physically and unrealistically protrayed. Now, any kind of (intelligible) discourse about sexuality and gender roles in gaming is a great step in the right direction for the medium. But, GOD, is it boring! Sometimes it’s okay just to have some fun. And the fun we’ll be having today will involve ogling fictitious women and ranking them by their hotness! Continue reading
I love video game music! I have a 6-Disc CD changer in my car, and 5 are exclusive to video game music soundtracks or mixes I’ve made with video game music on them (the 6th CD is some crap my wife put in there. I have to give her something). I’m also a huge fan of Heavy Metal. In my spare time, I go on the ol’ YouTubes and find talented guys and gals that metal up some of my favorite gaming tunes. But I got to listening to some of my 8- and 16-Bit library the other day and thought, “Wow, some of these tracks are already metal enough!” Today, I’d like to acknowledge these tracks for the badass chiptune pioneers that they are! Here’s the rules:
1.) Only 8- and 16-Bit games are eligible.
2.) Only 1 track per franchise.
3.) No CD games! They’re too high quality; plus, they can actually hold recordings or real instruments. That’s cheating!
4.) They have to be METAL!!!!!! If that needs to be explained to you, then please leave. That is all. Continue reading
Growing up, I’ve always been a music fan, and a single look at my collection can tell you I’ve a pretty eclectic taste: Metal, Thrash Metal, Speed Metal, Hair Metal, Billy Joel, Power Metal. But even having been exposed to a lot of musical styles, some of my favorite songs have come from video games. I don’t know what it is about video game music. Maybe it’s because I heard it so much growing up. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t readily listen to it when I was a kid unless I was actually playing the game, making the songs that much sweeter when I actually heard them. Or maybe It’s because the music is just that damn good.
This is it. The time has finally come. It’s time to reveal my Top Ten DS Games.
Finally, I get to talk about the best of the best! I’ve eagerly been waiting to sit down and ruminate about all the great games on the DS! However, a slight feeling of dread has also been churning in the pit of my ulcer-filled gut. How in the hell I am going to do the DS library justice? It’s a daunting task for one who’s so intimately attached to the system and all its exemplary games.
If you haven’t noticed, I love video games. I love them if they’re good, bad, stupid, artsy, exploitative, gory, perverse, disgusting, half-assed, glitchy, popular, unpopular, or just damn pointless. If the game’s fun, I’ll play it. But you know what games I really love? (Pause, allowing time to guess/build tension). Games that don’t look or sound like much but end up being awesome. There’s just a certain kind of satisfaction I get when I accidentally find the next obscure hit. These are the games you pick up for whatever reason without really knowing anything about them: They looked good, they looked stupid, you have some money burning a hole in your pocket, you lost a bet, you blacked out again because they just don’t make enough booze to drown the sorrow, etc.
Ever play a game that was awful? A game that just really should’ve never existed? A “weekend-ruiner?” Yeah, we’ve all been there. They’re not too hard to spot, though; at least, to the trained eye they’re not. Is that a licensed movie game? Pass. Are they using a Z to show pluralization? Burn it. Did Suda51 rub his dick all over this? Stab your face off.