Giygas Abortion/Fetus Theory: A Visual Tale… From Beyond the Narrative!

Giygas FeatureHappy Halloween!  Let’s talk about some scary shit!

In my Earthbound review, I talked about a lot of things.  But there was one thing I didn’t discuss, and as much as I’d love to be cute and use some misdirection to get a few chuckles, you’ve already read this post’s title and know I’m going to talk about Earthbound‘s big bad, Giygas. Continue reading


The Birth of a New Console War

BackgroundLadies and gentlemen, E3 2013 is underway, and I have to say that it has not disappointed me one bit, mostly because I’ve never given a shit about Xbox.  And it’s my lack of shits for the Xbox that makes this E3 so much better.  With their awful stances on used games and always-on internet connectivity alienating their own fanbase, Xbox has pretty much dug themselves a hole deep enough to put in all of Bill Gates’s money.  Now THAT’S a pretty big hole!  Moreover, Microsoft’s reps keep putting their damn feet in their mouths with the stupid shit they say.  You want to play 360 and XBLA games on your shiny new Xbox One?  “Tough titty,” connotes Don Mattrick, Microsoft Head of Interactive Entertainment Business.  He thinks “if you’re backwards compatible, you’re really backwards.”  Thanks, dick hole.  That’s exactly how you don’t piss off your customers.

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I Heard the Ending Sucked: Why I Stopped Playing Knytt Underground

Knytt Underground Feature Pic

I’d recently purchased Knytt Underground for my Vita and begun playing it this weekend.  I’ve had the game for a week or two, but I waited until I could really devote some time to it because I’d heard it was the biggest Metroidvania game ever created.  Whoever said that wasn’t lying!  I nearly shat myself when I saw the in-game map.

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Rayman: A Legend Deferred

Rayman Feature PicIf you’ve at all been keeping up with current events, then you’ve undoubtedly come across one of our generations biggest stories: Rayman Legends for the Wii U is no longer a Wii U exclusive and will be appearing on Xbox 360 and PS3.  What makes matters worse?  It’s being delayed.  “Oh,” you think to yourself, “that’s not so bad.  It was supposed to be a launch title for the Wii U, and it got pushed back 3 months.  I can wait another week or two.”  Well, keep dreaming, because Ubisoft is pushing that shit back for another seven months.

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Retro Game Challenge: An Homage Done Right

Retro Game Challenge Feature Pic

I had recently looked at Retro City Rampage and gave it some criticism that many didn’t appreciate.  Not that my take on the game wasn’t valid or even original; I read many reviews that also viewed the referencing and nostalgia pandering as either passé or gratuitous.  What most people had to say in the game’s defense fell into two categories: 1.) “You should just relax and enjoy the game for what it is,” and 2.) “It’s an homage to our childhood.  Just take it in.”  To the former camp, I say: “Nope!  I’ll like and hate whatever I want, thank you very much!”

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Video Games Are A Chore!

Recently, I did a playthrough of King’s Knight on the NES, and, to put it lightly, it was painful.  The game started out pretty fun, but the final level was so harsh and unforgiving that it sucked all the fun out of the game.  But was that shitty level solely responsible for my distaste for the game?  I got to thinking about it, and my stance hasn’t changed: that final level is shit.  It’s needlessly difficult mostly because of the forced added game mechanic and its poor execution.  However, is there perhaps something wrong with me that made things worse?  Was I doing something wrong?  Absolutely not.  I’m infallible.

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Nintendo Power: You Will Be Missed


Today, I received the above letter in the mail along with my newest issue of Nintendo Power.  It’s one of the saddest pieces of literature to have ever been written.

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Sucking is Greater Than Not Sucking

When I started this blog I did it because I wanted an excuse to replay the games I grew up with.  Not that I needed an excuse, but it’s nice to have one anyway.  For the past few months, I’ve been looking through my collection and grabbing games that I either loved as a kid or I never beat as a kid.  So far, it’s been a lot of fun, but I’ve been noticing something about the games I’ve been replaying: I’m killing them.  Really.  I’m popping in these old games that used to hand my ass to me, and I’m destroying them.  It feels vindicating, but it doesn’t at all feel like what I remember beating games to feel like.

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Games As Art

Gaming is a hobby.  To some, that’s all it is.  To others, it can be a subculture teeming with inspiration, beauty, discourse, and camaraderie.  Yet, to some others, it’s a medium of entertainment devoid of any semblances of the aforementioned things.  These people believe that video games, as a medium, cannot be viewed as “art.”  This is nothing new to anybody with even a passing interest in video games; it’s an argument that’s been on many gamers’ and dissenters’ minds for some time.  However, after years of listening to both sides, I’d like to give my two bits.

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Theatrhythm: A Tribute Done Right

Theatrhythm: A Tribute Done Right

25 years is a long time.  That’s a quarter of a century, if that helps put it in perspective.  Not many things in our life last that long: marriages, companies, video game series.  Sometimes, however, through the benevolence of some undoubtedly under-appreciated and forgotten god devoted exclusively to the prolificacy of gaming franchises, some games do manage to exist for a long time.  Square Enix’s Final Fantasy series is one such franchise that this oddly specific deity has magnanimously chosen to grace with seemingly eternal life.  This becomes deliciously ironic if one were to research the origin of the game’s title.

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