Super Smash Brothers Haiku

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I’m a fan of Super Smash Brothers, as are a lot of gamers.  I’ve been enjoying the newest Smash Brothers lately, and I wanted to show my love for the series by honoring each character with their own Haiku.  Below are Haiku for every single character in the latest Smash Brothers.  I hope they elicit a laugh or two.  Let me know which is your favorite.


Bowser Jr

The Clown Copter is

A nice nostalgic touch, but

I hate you.  Pick Roy.



The King of Koopas

Grab, belly flop over edge

Such majesty, grace


Captain Falcon

Flaming Bird-Shaped Punch

Always shaking, too much strength

Show them all your moves



What is this garbage?

Where’s Squirtle and Ivysaur?

What a waste of space.


Dark Pit

Are you kidding me?

Why is he not a Pit skin?

Attack of the Clones.



Peanut guns, jet packs,

Banana Peels, Monkey Flips.

Give me that sweet hat.


Donkey Kong

He’s finally back

Throwing punches like a boss

Ties are for closers.


Dr Mario

Final smash is trash

Put this doc in with his pills



Duck Hunt

Your haunting laughter

Redemption: Smashing your face

I can now move on



Though he’s still a jerk

I guess I should be thankful

Slippy isn’t here



Fast and in your face

Not much has changed over time

But tank, no Arwing?



Choke till you explode

Big boot to your pearly whites

Evil represent



Stupid frog ninja

Why are you in Smash Brothers?

Had to Google you



Was hoping for Chrom

Cheap Up Smash, but we like Ike

He fights for his friends.



YES! Fly and go Pound!

Jiggly brings the pain unless

Hold shield till KO


King Dedede

That robe ain’t that big

Where does he keep those Gordos?

I don’t want to know…



Marshmellow hero

Will eat you, then run off cliff

Can’t stay mad; too cute!



Link has brought his pants

His air game has been neutered

Still screams a whole lot


Little Mac

Favorite is here!

If Mike Tyson were in Smash

I’d finally win.



Don’t like Kung Fu dog

Rewards players for sucking

That’s socialism



Was so excited

But turned out to be Marth clone

Most disappointing



Epic uppercut

Has running sissy punches

1 in 10 failure



 Flame-throwing plumber

 Most lithe fatty in Brooklyn

Get rid of F.L.U.D.D., please



Still in Smash, I see

‘Cause popular in Japan

Would rather have Chrom


Mega Man

Run and spin like top

I like to play Crash Bomb tag

Wish Rush was used more


Meta Knight

Hockey mask, Bat Wings

Tornado of swirling swords

Everyone picks him


Mii Fighters

To be quite honest

I haven’t played as these guys

Much better choices


Mr Game and Watch

Flicking sausages

Ring the bell incessantly

Lose all of your friends



Physic, big-head boy

Fights with fire, bats, yo-yos

Lightning in his butt



From six down to three

Less Pikmin to throw and kill

Small souls floating up



I like to throw fruit

Fire hydrant on the edge

New and old forms: Win



Counter, reflect? Yuck.

Twirls ’round staff like stripper pole

Cheap in every sense



Where does she hide Toad?

Hearts, rainbows and pink ribbons

Flying butt-splosion



Pikachu still sucks

I can’t follow up with him

Fights last forever



Fiery brass knuckles

Not as spammy as in Brawl

Still sounds like a girl



Always be spinning

Beware the red blinking light

Scary, soulless eyes



Floating lightning sword

Tag teaming with Chrom owns all

Wasteful towards books



If you and Luma

Can act independantly

Why no Ice Climbers?



So much explosions

Projectiles keep pressure on

Roll up and ax kick



Quick combo master

Run, exploding teleport

Whip pisses friends off



Smash is Major Leagues

Only legends need apply

Come back in ten years



Being fast is fun

Leave trampolines everywhere

Final Smash is broke


Toon Link

Just like Link except

Smaller and cell shad-ier

Easier to launch



Plant and water tree

Going down; yelling “Timber!”

Ride rocket off stage



Smooth animations

Motorcycles and farts make

My opponenets die


Wii Fit Trainer

Lots of whistling

Attacks hit in both directions

And always so chill



New stance works for me

Really enjoy big Yoshi glitch

Hope they never patch



Now separated

From Shiek, the reason to choose

Never use again


Zero Suit Samus

Too sexy for me

Feel like pervert when playing

This is Nintendo!?