The Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

TwainWell, Internet,  I have some terrible news.  Not only am I not dead, but I’ve lost everything.  Well, not everything.  Just all the pointless crap I owned.  My entire game library, my computer, my magazines, my clothes, all my Looney Tunes, The Simpsons, and MST3K box sets, my R.O.B., and a whole bunch of rare, but ultimately replaceable, crap.  However, I did lose a lot of irreplaceable things as well: my children’s pictures, my wedding pictures, my wife’s engagement ring, my portfolio, our tax information, and the list could go on and on if I really wanted to depress myself.

I’ll never get back my letter from Mike Tyson that came with Punch Out!!

Long story short: I had a house fire.  Something went wrong with the wiring in the attic, and my entire Man Cave burst into flames.  It really sucks.  But don’t get me wrong;  I’m not so shallow.  I know, though I’ve lost everything, I’ve not lost it all.  My two little girls and my wife are completely unscathed, and I truly feel like I’m the world’s luckiest man.  It still blows though.  Our insurance company asked us to make a list of all the stuff we lost, and every time I sit down to do it I feel miserable.  I know I can get most of this stuff back, but finding them again is going to be incredibly hard.  I was a hardcore retro-game collector.  I easily lost over a thousand games to this fire.  Games I’ve been collecting all my life.  I don’t know if I want, or can, dedicate the time to get them back at this point in my life.

Fueled by the 8- and 16-bit generations.

So, what am I doing here?  Why would I suddenly start writing a post when there’s obviously more important things to be doing?  Two reasons: 1. My wife is out watching Magic Mike with her friends, and I finally have some free time, and 2. my brother-in-law said writing a blog could be cathartic.  I thought about that for a second.  Then I looked up the word “cathartic” online. Then I had to look up “catharsis,” at which point I said “Screw it” because I wasn’t going to look up two words.

Stupid books…

Anyway, I suppose a little normalcy could do me some good.  I’ve been living in a hotel room for the past week, and there’s nothing worse than waking up in a hotel room and then going to work.  Currently, I’m at a really nice apartment complex with a pool right outside my door, so things could definitely be worse.  In fact, I’ve been trying to focus on everything good in my life, which is a lot actually.  This apartment is nice, there’s a pool, I just got a promotion at work that more than doubled my salary (my first day at my new position is when my house caught fire), my family, friends and coworkers have really stepped up in my time of need, and I’ve actually been losing some weight.  My theory is “no video games or computer + pool and clubhouse = Physically moving to entertain myself.”  It’s not a bad concept.

How the hell you work this thing, again?

Thankfully, my mother knew that all this physical activity was unhealthy for me, so she decided to lend me her laptop.  It’s been a blessing and a curse.  A blessing because now I can do all the stuff I used to do online, such as blogging, and a curse because the “L” button is broken on it and anytime I want to type something with an “L” in it I have to slam my finger on the little rubber thing where the “L” should be and it hurts my finger because I HAVE TO PRESS SO FUCKING HARD AND I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck you, Grover!

Wow.  I do feel better.  Maybe my bro was on to something here.  So, I’m going to continue posting.  I’m not going to do reviews for awhile because my collection blew up.  I’m going to focus on Top Tens  and random stuff.  I promise not to be boring, so stay tuned!

Oh, but I do have some good news about my collection!  A couple days after the incident, my wife and I went into the house to salvage whatever we could, and we found that my TG-16/PCE collection actually survived!  The cases had all melted together, and the instruction manuals were a little singed on the edges, but the games were intact!  I couldn’t believe it.  Unfortunately, I haven’t tested them yet because my Turbo Duo and Converter didn’t survive, but they look fantastic especially for having been in a room that self-destructed.

They live to be awesome for another day!

It’s such a big relief because that was my favorite part of my collection.  When my wife called me at work with the news, I first thought about her and the kids, then my Turbo/PCE collection, and then my Nintendo Power collection.  Sadly, my NPs did not make it.

Rest in peace, Nester…

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4 thoughts on “The Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

    • Firstly. Charizard did not start the fire. It was always burning since the world’s been turning. Secondly, Blastoise is a terrible waste of space and has done nothing for anyone ever.

  1. This post suddenly made me realise where my priorities lie. I’ve read and seen tons of awful things. Always felt that maybe I was a bit of a robot because I never got as emotional as other people did when witnessing these horrific things.

    But hearing about your game collection made me extreme scared and panicky. Thank you for making me realise I’m human!

    And sorry about your lost collections, and congrats on managing to still make your post amusing!

    • Welcome to the human race! We’re a needy lot, and most of us smell funny, but holistically we’re a decent group. Unless you’re playing a fantasy game. They always make us look like dicks.

      Losing everything hit me very hard. The drive home from work was awful. I kept thinking, “My stuff might be all right.” Of course I already knew my wife and kids were fine, so my mind we free to think about the less important things. Losing my Nintendo Powers was really where it hurt. And now that NP is no more, it’s gonna be a lot harder to build up that collection 😦

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